Bring on 2010

I have big plans for 2010. As far as I am concerned, 2009 can suck my big toe. I’m setting big goals and I have big dreams for 2010. Here is a rundown of my goals for 2010. I’m hoping to add additional goals as the year goes by, and as I achieve the goals I’m setting initially.

My big goal is to look like that --------> again. Which will require a lot of dedication and follow through on my part. The sad part of it all? That was only 3 years ago. Three years and 35 pounds ago. To achieve my goal I plan on starting running again. When that photo was taken I was running 4-5 miles 3-4 times a week. I plan on starting slow and running 2 miles 3 times a week through January. We’ll see how I feel in February. My goal for 2010 is to lose those 35 pounds, and maybe more, we’ll see.

The next big goal is savings. I’ve always been a saver, I feel like it’s very important to have some sort of back up money in savings in case of an emergency. I started laddering CD’s a few years ago so that we have one a month, my goal now is to open a money market account. For 2010 I’d like to put $200 a paycheck away into savings and hopefully have $5,200 at the end of the year. That will get us half way to a money market account. It will also help us curb or stupid spending habits (we are very bad a buying stupid things when we should just save the extra we have).

TJ’s favorite goal of mine is to declutter the house. I sadly collect a lot of clutter and have a hard time parting with it. If you call me a pack rat I might cry. My neighbor is a pack rat. You literally cannot walk in her house without walking down a trail lined with shit. I, however, just keep random things. Our house is usually generally clean, though that is part of my goal for 2010. TJ and I are going to do a New Year’s cleaning tomorrow, and take crap to the dump, take clothes to Good Will, and get rid of the excess baggage we have. My goal for 2010 is to make Sunday (my consistent day off of work), a laundry and cleaning day. If I keep up with it then it won’t get out of hand. Hopefully.

The minor goal I’d like to set is to make a meal plan and buy groceries according to the plan every two weeks. I think this will really help with our bad eating habits (see first goal, lol), and curb spending too. I’m a good cook when I cook, I just need to get on the ball and do it more. I’m hoping to try a new recipe every month.

My fun goal for 2010 is to take a picture a day. My mom bought me a kick ass DSLR camera for Christmas 2008. It rocks, but I’m not good with it yet because it is overwhelming. I’d like to figure it out in 2010 by using it daily. I plan on documenting it in my resolution blog, along with the progess of my other goals.

The goal which is out of my hands is baby related. I want to get pregnant in 2010, and no matter how much I want it I cannot control what happens with my body. So, I’m just going to pray about this one.

Happy New Year!!!!!

I guess in life you have to take the good with the bad. Christmas, and this past weekend was for the most part very, very good. I have been crowned the best wife ever by my husband because I was able to successfully keep his Christmas present a secret. Also because it is the best damn Christmas present ever.


He has been wanting a quad for God knows how long. We spent Christmas in Bremerton with my family this year, so I arranged to buy one and have it delivered to my Grandmas so it would be there for him on Christmas. Two secret trips to Bremerton and over 2 months of keeping the biggest secret I’ve ever kept and we are now the proud owners of a 2010 Can-Am Outlander Max 800R EFI XT-P (it looks exactly like the picture). TJ almost cried, I kid you not. It was the best Christmas I have ever had because of how stinking happy he was. We spent Saturday and Sunday at his dad’s house (he lives on acreage) riding around the trails on his property.

The bad, Saturday morning I went to the lab to have a follow up blood draw. They lost the lab slip my doctor faxed over. I stood there at the window and I was patient and smiled and flirted with the baby who’s mom was behind me in line. Finally after about 5-10 minutes they said they’d call the on-call doctor from my doctor’s office to get another lab slip. The on-call doctor didn’t know me, so the lady at the lab said, “They need to know why you are having your blood drawn.”

I almost shut down. My face went blank and I said, “I’m having a miscarriage.” And then the waterworks started. The three ladies behind the counter we all obviously not prepared for me to cry. They handed me a blank lab slip and asked me to fill out my name, etc. and then they handed me a box of tissues. I apologized for crying and one of them said she had been through it too, so it was OK. I feel like such a jerk now, I said, “This is my second.” I didn’t say what I should have. I should have sympathized with her also and told her I’m sorry, that nobody should have to go through this. In the moment though I was just so mad that they had lost my slip (the tech who drew my blood on Wednesday didn’t make a copy for Saturday). Now I feel bad though, so, nice lady who works at the lab on Pacific: I’m also sorry for your loss.

My second mistake this weekend was Sunday. I run on our treadmill in the garage. I have a TV set up in there where I watch Sex and the City on DVD (thanks to my awesome husband). I usually read the episode description before turning it on, but on Sunday I had already started jogging and skipped reading and just hit play. It was the episode where Charlotte and Harry get pregnant and then she loses the baby. It was the worst two miles I’ve ever run. Did I think to shut the damn TV off? No. I just kept watching, and crying. I bet I was quite the sight to see.

My bloodwork from Saturday came back with a hCG level of 2, so it is for sure over. I’m ready to have my appointment on the 18th and to make some progress on trying to have a baby. Hopefully next time there won’t be any bad with my good.

It'll Happen When the Time is Right

I am going to apologize ahead of time for my super shitty attitude (and the swearing, but, I do sometimes have the mouth of a sailor).

So, it appears that the time is right to write the blog I was talking about the other day. I went in for a blood draw to check my hormone levels yesterday as the bleeding had definitely increased. A call back from the nurse puts me at 14 hCG, which really sucks. The nurse believes that the baby wasn’t able to implant, which is also what I think. In simple terms: Miscarriage: 2. Jen: 0. Isn’t that some shit?

In the words of those who, I believe, are just trying to help: The timing wasn’t right. Whatever that means. I am absolutely pissed off today. Last time I spent three solid days crying my eyes out. TJ asked me, with a very grave look on his face, if I was going to be OK. I honestly at that time didn’t know if I would be OK. This time around I don’t feel like crying. I feel like kicking someone. But, there isn’t anyone to kick or blame. Which sucks. Like I said, I’m just pissed off.

I’m going back in on Saturday for another blood draw, just to ensure my hormone levels have hit the floor again. I don’t doubt that they will. My first appointment, January 18th, has been changed to a “Why-the-hell-am-I-not-pregnant” appointment. At that point TJ and I will have been trying for 14 months.

It has now taken 13 months and I still have not achieved a viable pregnancy. Many people have told me that it will happen when the time is right. While I know they mean it to be helpful, it isn’t. Why do you think the time isn’t right for me? Why is the time right for a young teenage mother? Or a crackhead? Or a woman who doesn’t even want a baby? What is so wrong with me that the time is wrong? What is so wrong with me that I don’t deserve to have a baby at this time? I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 2 ½ years. We have owned a home with a nice backyard and two extra rooms for babies for the past 4 ½ years. I have been at my job for 6 and TJ for 7. We are stable. We make great money. We can afford a baby, and we would love that baby more than I think is humanly possible. So, tell me, why is it that the time isn’t right? Is God trying to teach me a lesson in patients? I’m sorry, but this is a super shitty way to learn a lesson.

So, if you know someone who is trying to conceive: I recommend just sympathizing with them. Don’t tell them that “when the time is right” it will happen. You may mean no harm, but it hurts like hell.

A Christmas Miracle

I had plan to write a blog of a very, very different color today. I was very close to AF and feeling emotional about my TTC process. One of the comments I keep receiving has recently gotten to me, and my plan was to write about that comment ("It will happen when the time is right." I may actually have to dedicate a blog post to that comment eventually, but in a shortened version: it hurts to hear and isn't helpful). Sometimes life throws you a curve though.

I woke up yesterday morning at 12 DPO and there is still no AF in sight. As someone who barely makes it to 10 DPO, making it to 12 (without spotting no less) is nearly unheard of. So I did what any sane person would do and peed on a stick. Then I waited. And waited. Annnnnd waited! What finally appeared?? The faintest, of faint-faint-FAINT lines.

Yes, it is true, I am pregnant again. :) I re-tested yesterday afternoon at work with a +/- test and received faint + sign. Same results after I got home from work (to show TJ). I tested with a digital this morning and it came back “Pregnant”!!! I am over the moon happy right now, and I have a much, much better feeling about this pregnancy. Merry freaking Christmas to me!! This is the best Christmas present I could have ever asked for.

I did start spotting yesterday, though it is different than the spotting which occurred with my M/C. I’m waiting to contact my doctor about it (1st appointment is currently set for January 18th). If the spotting continues, or gets worse I’ll check in to see about getting in sooner. I read a post today on a local board I post on about getting progesterone to help with the spotting and prevent another M/C. I’m considering calling next week if the spotting doesn’t stop to check on that.

I have all bets on “go” this time around and know that come late August/early September I’ll be holding a brand new squirmy baby. If you have room to spare on your prayer list throw in a prayer for me and this baby would you? Thank you, and Merry Christmas!

Bitter Party of One

Bitter? Party of one? That’s me. I would like to think I’m typically a fairly upbeat, happy person. I’m the kind of person who smiles a lot. You know the kind you want to punch in the teeth because there is no God damn reason to be that happy? Yeah. That’s usually me.

Recently I’ve noticed my good mood has done a 180. I am a grump. I am easily irritated and snap at people. I have very little patients. I feel antisocial sometimes, and would rather just sit at home and read. I feel like I’m putting on a show when trying to keep up my usual happy façade. I want to yell that it’s not real. That I’m miserable. That life sucks sometimes. Because it really, really does.

Cycle 12 was another bust. All of the happy, hopeful, positive energy I put into last cycle? Wasted. I really wanted to believe I was going to be pregnant at the end of my last cycle. But I wasn’t. Now I’m feeling bitter, like there isn’t any hope left.

I guess I should be happy or proud that it took a year to bring me down and fill me with doubt. The past year I really thought every month could be “the” month. And when it wasn’t “the” month I’d shrug it off and move on without a thought. This month my thoughts are, “When should we got to an RE?” and I’m stumped as to what the right answer is. TJ wants to wait a few more cycles, and I have a feeling I’ll be resentful if we wait and end up having problems/needing assistance. Nobody wants a resentful wife.

Cycle 13 started out a lot like my failed pregnancy, and I’m telling myself that’s the reason I’m so bitter right now. I had extended spotting at the beginning of this cycle, so I took a pregnancy test. When I took the test I wasn’t anxiously waiting for the results. There was a pit in my stomach that silently was wishing it would be a no because I didn’t want to go through a repeat of the miscarriage. Thankfully the results came back negative.

So, what do you do? I’ve pulled out new tricks this cycle. Added with my B6, and OPK’s I have Mucinex and more pomegranate juice. We’ll see how it goes, but, I’m not getting my hopes up. I keep thinking to myself that it is what it is, and what it is sucks.

Sweet November

It's November. I am having a hard time with this. November. Crisp air, fallen leaves, the month we started TTC. Here I am a year later with no baby. I'm not pregnant (anymore). What in hell did I do all year? Where did the time go?

TJ and I were on our way to the grocery store after work on Monday night to restock our fridge/freezer (more on that later). I looked over at him, bat my eyelashes and said, "I'm going to get pregnant this cycle. We're going to have a baby this summer." He laughed, tried to decided if I was serious or crazy, and then thanked me for letting him know (I think he settled for crazy). I'm approaching cycle 12 with a positive attitude. But still, it's cycle 12, UGH! I wish I could see the future sometimes. I wish I could say for certain when I'll get pregnant again. I wish I could tell for sure-sure that the next time around it would be a sticky baby. All the unknowns are really pissing me off. I want to be in control damn it.


In non-baby related news, our fridge broke last week. TJ and I both gave it a good kick and headed to Home Depot. Once there we realized that all of the refrigerators of a normal size are 33ish inches deep. The moron who built our house left room for 30 inches max for our fridge. Any deeper and we'd be unable to open the door to our laundry room (and thus unable to get into the garage). We found we'd need to custom order a new fridge, a tune of $1,600 for a crappy basic model fridge. I want a fridge with at least the freaking water/ice in the door, I'd prefer a bottom freezer, but french doors would be OK too. I'm a woman with needs!

We didn't buy a new fridge, thankfully I married a fairly handy dude. The next day TJ got into the back of the fridge to investigate and discovered what he believed to be the issue. He has his license to work on refrigeration, but just because someone has a license doesn't mean they should drive. ::Eyeing old lady who almost ran me down on the freeway this morning:: So he called a buddy over who actually works on refrigeration related things, said buddy confirmed that it was indeed said part, and $60 later we have a working fridge again.

My crystal ball tells me that the fridge thing worked out and so will the baby thing. Only time will tell!

Ode to AF

In honor of cycle day 1, I am writing:

Ode to Aunt Flo

As written by JenMcGx3

For some girls you come without warning,
You show up and ruin their day.
For some girls you call ahead first,
And send your dog "Spot" for a stay.

For some girls you stay away too long,
They pray your arrival comes quick.
Though some girls wish you'd stay far away,
The sight of you just makes them sick.

You bring along your bag of tricks,
The cramping, the backaches, the bloat.
You really are an annoying bitch,
All I want is my zygote.

Aunt Flo I must tell you you're driving me mad,
My dreams are in pink and blue.
I'm packing your bags and pray that next month
I'll be bidding farewell to you!

All Systems Go

Good news! Great news! The BEST news! My doctors appointment yesterday went very well. My hCG from last week was at 9. Woo-woo, single digits! My doctor said everything seems to have taken care of itself, but they want me to do just one more blood draw. I go back to the clinic on Friday, and as long as the number is under 5 I'm good to go! No more blood draws/human pin cushion!

The best part of my appointment was when I got the thumbs up from my doctor to start trying again after my next period. He said it wouldn't be bad to get pregnant right now, and I probably could, but if I waited until after my next cycle starts they could be sure everything left over in my system was out. So, we are at all systems GOOOOOO!

I felt a little silly having an appointment with my doctor. I waited in the waiting room longer than I sat in the exam room. Literally. They called me back, took my blood pressure and didn't even have me get dress up in one of the fancy/sexy hospital gowns. I sat there for a minute, the doctor came in, told me my beta hCG results from the week before. Answered a few of my questions and that was it. In and out in under 10 minutes. I think a phone call with the nurse would have been enough, but, who doesn't like a rousing trip to the doctors on your day off? Luckily it was late enough in the morning that I didn't have to sit in traffic.

The bills for the hospital are starting to come in. So far we are up to about $350 in bills for my ER stint, and one or two of the blood draws. Luckily my out of pocket deductible is $500 a year, I think. So looking on the bright side, we are almost there! ;)

The emotional side of things have been very good for me, and physically I feel 100% back to normal. I am able to sort of talk about things if people (ie: family members who knew) ask how I am doing, or why in the world I'm going to get more blood drawn, do I even have any left? A cashier at work asked if I had any "news" for her. She knows we are TTC, and every so often she'll ask how things are going. I was able to say that I was pregnant but lost the baby in September. There weren't any tears or anything. Things are looking up!

The Proof

I've been having a decent week. Some days are better than others. Most days are fine. It's the hormones that really get to me. One of the dogs got into the garbage in our bathroom on Wednesday. When I told TJ about it he made a comment which made me cry. I was mad at him all night. To tell the truth, even I'm not sure why I was so upset with him about it. Poor guy.

<-----This is the picture I took the morning I got the BFP. I've been sort of feeling gloomy about the whole thing every now and then. I look at the picture and think: well, that's the only thing I have left now to show I was pregnant. How lame/sad/depressing. I know. Some days I'll look at it and think good things like: well, at least we were able to get pregnant! I wish I was that positive all the time. I'm working on it.

I went in on the 1st of October for another blood draw. My hCG was down to 181. I'm going in again tonight after work to "give blood", as I like to call it. My first appointment with the doctor is on Monday. I will not cry at the doctors office. I will not cry at the doctors office. I felt pretty bad for crumbling on the phone with the nurse, Pamela, the other week. My hope is that I wont have a repeat with the doctor.

It's sort of strange. Some days it feels like this happened in some sort of distant far away past. I can't believe it has only been 3 weeks. That is all? It feels like forever.

I'm praying a lot lately. I'm praying that my hCG will have gone back to zero. I'm praying that my doctors appointment on Monday goes well. I'm praying we can get the green light and give this baby thing another shot. I'm praying that next time around things will not end badly. I'm just praying.

Life Goes On

For starters: I really appreciate the comments in my last post. They were unexpected, and very kind. I find myself amazed by the kindness and great support I've had through this whole ordeal. So, thank you.

If it's not one thing, it's the another. I woke up yesterday morning feeling normal, or as normal as I have been feeling the past two weeks. By yesterday afternoon my normal turned into a case of the sniffles (this time not hormone/emotion induced). Six o'clock came around last night and I would have sworn to you that my body was trying to kill me via suffocation. I cannot breath. My nose is plugged, I'm sneezy, I'm exhausted. Can't a girl catch a break?

Other than not really breathing I have been doing OK. I don't feel as emotional. My body is less sore, I'm not as tired. I haven't really cried since the nurse called me last Wednesday with my hCG results from the 23rd. Last week my hCG continued to go down, at the last blood draw it was 1139. This is good news in terms of not having to have a D&C to get rid of everything. Tomorrow morning I'm going to go in for another blood draw just to make sure the hormones have continued to go down. I am unfortunately still experiencing (TMI) bleeding. But like I said, the soreness has gone away.

I did get a little emotional yesterday. I received a "Thinking of You" card in the mail. It was hard to open. I knew what it would say. TJ's Birthday was last week, we aren't near any holidays, so it was only logical to expect it to be a sympathy card. I didn't really read it. My heart isn't that strong yet. When TJ got home from work I told him about it, and he said that he didn't let me read the card he got from my Grandma on his Birthday (the day the m/c started). In the card she wrote, "I'm praying for the baby on the way." I'm grateful that he kept that to himself, it would have caused me to break down even more.

I still haven't really talked about it with anyone but TJ. I get nervous any time we were going to be around family who knew. When we found out I was pregnant I only told my parents and little sister; TJ told his mom, dad and brother. From there though the grandparents, and some aunts/uncles were told. We went out to his dads house to ride the quads around the trails in the woods last weekend. When we got there his dad's girlfriend just hugged me for a really long time. I'm thankful she didn't say anything. I can deal with hugging. I just don't want to verbalize anything right now.

I guess I've learned that even through pain and hard times life goes on. Most days it's good, but even on the bad days I'm just thankful to have the family I have to surround me.

Roller Coaster Ride

It has been quite the crazy week and a half. Lots of ups, just as many downs, and here I am stuck in the middle again.

Last Monday I woke up and thought about how strange a cycle I have been having. I had been spotting non-stop for weeks and it was driving me crazy. Out of curiosity I decided to take a HPT just before I left the house that morning. The test came back pregnant within seconds. I rushed downstairs to grab my phone and call TJ. It was pure bliss, really. As soon as I got in to work I called the doctor’s office and told them about my spotting, and, oh yeah, we are flying out to California on Wednesday so if you could get me in before then that’d be grrrreat! The nurse called me back and said they wanted to get a blood test/ultrasound done ASAP, so I left work a little early and toddled down to the hospital to give blood. Five vials of blood. Not my idea of a fun night.

The ultrasound tech said they thought, oh yes, maybe right here, that could be a baby. Again with the bliss. I was told the nurse would call me the next day with the results. So Tuesday I sat on pins and needles willing the phone to just ring damnit! Pamela, the sweet nurse, called around 11:30. I could tell by the tone in her voice the news she was going to deliver was great. I was right! My hCG was 1633, and I was definitely pregnant. She said to stick to the kiddy rides in Disneyland and if I had any pain or if my spotting turned into real bleeding hightail it to the ER pronto. Yes ma’am.

TJ and I had a blast in Disneyland, and I didn’t even mind missing out on a few of the rides. The thrill that we were finally pregnant after nearly a year of trying for a baby made up for it.

The flight home was not fun, after landing at our layover in Oakland the pilot came on the intercom and said “I used to be a Navy pilot.” As if that was an excuse for landing and then slamming on the brakes so we were stopped within seconds. I was a little stressed, but still felt OK. By the time we reached Seattle though I was feeling a little funky. I used the bathroom in the airport and noticed the bleeding had definitely increased. I think TJ was shocked when I left the bathroom in tears. I explained to him what happened and said if it continued we would need to head to the ER.

We got home, let the dogs out, and I decided that it was probably a good idea to head to the hospital to get checked out. There was a lot of crying on my part, and TJ said, “You are definitely pregnant, you are so hormonal.” But I just knew that something wasn’t right.

We arrived at the ER and spent a good 8 hours there. Yes, 8. Because it was pregnancy related the ER doc had to perform an exam on me, let me just say that ER doctors are not OB/GYN’s for a reason. Youch! After the most painful exam of my grown adult life I donated another 4 vials of blood. It took a try in my right hand, my left arm, a poke in the side of my right arm (?) and then finally (FINNNNNALLY!) a sweet nurse came in and took over and put the IV in my right arm. IV you ask? Well, they were worried that I may require surgery so it was best to be prepared.

We went long periods of time without hearing from anyone, two hours after the exam someone finally came in and wheeled me to the ultrasound room. The ultrasound tech explained everything we were seeing on the screen as he went through the ultrasound. He said, “And this is where we saw the sac last week. Nothing there.” And that was that. My hCG levels had increased to 2500, but it wasn’t enough so they knew something wasn’t right.

On Monday (TJ's 26th Birthday, poor guy) the actual miscarriage began, and has continued on through today. There has been pain, cramping, and a lot of tears. Last Monday I was at the highest high, and then Saturday I hit the bottom. TJ has been the best support I could have asked for, especially since I haven’t felt like talking about it with anyone. I made him talk to my mom and sister when they called because I wasn’t up to it. I really have been amazed at what powerful emotions I've been feeling after only knowing for six days that we were going to have a baby.

At my follow up blood draw on Monday my hCG went down to 2255. She said that since it is still elevated I'd need to come in again for another blood draw today. This morning before work I swung by the hospital, gave another vial of blood and have yet to hear the results. I am praying the hormones continue their downward spiral because she said I'd need a D&C if everything doesn't vacate my system on its own.

The silver lining of it all is that we know we can get pregnant now at least. Here’s hoping the next time around the cart doesn't go off the track!

Bock

Well, I had my appointment last week. I am sad to say that nothing happened. Nada. I prepped myself for what I'd ask my doctor. I printed out my charts. I felt like I was really ready to ask some "tough" questions: Should I get a HSG? Should TJ get a SA? Do you want to do CD 3 testing? Etc. The morning of my appointment I left the house 5 minutes late, forgot to grab my charts on the way out, and felt like a rushed mess when I arrived at the hospital.

As I was sitting in a hospital gown, nude, my doctor asked why I was in to see her. I'm looking to buy a new car? Seriously dude! So I told her I was due for my annual, plus we'd been trying for a baby since last November. She tells me that a couple isn't considered infertile for a year. I know this, but I still want to start the ball rolling on testing as we are quickly approaching that year mark. Did I tell her that? You bet your ass I didn't! I just smiled and nodded along with what she said. She told me that most women ovulate around the 14 of the month. Uhm, wrong. Did I point out to her that that is a myth? That all women are different and most do not have "clockwork" like cycles? No. Again with the smiling and nodding. I did manage to get in an "I've been charting. . .", but beyond that. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. I suck.

She grabbed an "informational" sheet for me to bring home. It said something about if your usual cycle is "x" days long you should have sex at least every three days from the "y" day of your cycle on. I know this. I know you have to have sex around ovulation to get pregnant. I'm using OPK's and temping to confirm ovulation. I know when I need to get pregnant. It's just not working out! Again, did I say this? You guessed it, hell to the no.

So I'm a still a big fatty fat fat chicken. Bock-fricken-bock. My doc slapped me on the knee (OK, not really) and said I'm young and healthy and to come back in November if there is still no progress on the pregnancy front. I said thanks and left. Why I said thanks? I don't know. I didn't get anything out of it.

So. . .I still have no plan. I'm still not knocked up. Patience is the virtue that I never learned, but I guess my impatient ass will just sit tight and wait until November. I am anxiously counting down the days!

And So It Begins

I have always assumed that someday, whenever I got pregnant, I would write a blog. I'd blog about my morning sickness, backaches, if we were having a boy or a girl or twins (gulp!). I would keep track of all the details I could, just to seal away the memories to share with our baby later. I always assumed I would be pregnant by now. I assumed it would be easy, a walk in the park for us. It would seem that I assumed wrong.

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Jen, and I'm married to a fabulous man name TJ. We've been married for two blissful years now. In November on a whim we decided to forgo any birth control methods and "just see what happens". This was a little ahead of our planned schedule, but we figured we were ready so lets "do it". So to speak. I have been charting (link to the right --->) and wishin, and hopin, and hopin, and prayin. I never thought it would take us this long to have a baby. I take that back, I worried we would potentially have problems, but every month I would get my hopes up. Each month that passed a little more disappointment would wash over me.

In June I told myself if we didn't get pregnant I would just call my doctor and get things rolling. Being the big fatty-fat-fat chicken that I am I did not call the doctor. No, instead I told myself that maybe July was our month. July, sweet-sweet lucky July, it was not our month. So today I called my doctor to get in next week for my annual check up and to get the ball rolling on any testing we may need in order to check for infertility issues. Now instead of a blog about a pregnancy in process I have a blog about how we're going to get there. And so, it begins.