Ode to AF

In honor of cycle day 1, I am writing:

Ode to Aunt Flo

As written by JenMcGx3

For some girls you come without warning,
You show up and ruin their day.
For some girls you call ahead first,
And send your dog "Spot" for a stay.

For some girls you stay away too long,
They pray your arrival comes quick.
Though some girls wish you'd stay far away,
The sight of you just makes them sick.

You bring along your bag of tricks,
The cramping, the backaches, the bloat.
You really are an annoying bitch,
All I want is my zygote.

Aunt Flo I must tell you you're driving me mad,
My dreams are in pink and blue.
I'm packing your bags and pray that next month
I'll be bidding farewell to you!

All Systems Go

Good news! Great news! The BEST news! My doctors appointment yesterday went very well. My hCG from last week was at 9. Woo-woo, single digits! My doctor said everything seems to have taken care of itself, but they want me to do just one more blood draw. I go back to the clinic on Friday, and as long as the number is under 5 I'm good to go! No more blood draws/human pin cushion!

The best part of my appointment was when I got the thumbs up from my doctor to start trying again after my next period. He said it wouldn't be bad to get pregnant right now, and I probably could, but if I waited until after my next cycle starts they could be sure everything left over in my system was out. So, we are at all systems GOOOOOO!

I felt a little silly having an appointment with my doctor. I waited in the waiting room longer than I sat in the exam room. Literally. They called me back, took my blood pressure and didn't even have me get dress up in one of the fancy/sexy hospital gowns. I sat there for a minute, the doctor came in, told me my beta hCG results from the week before. Answered a few of my questions and that was it. In and out in under 10 minutes. I think a phone call with the nurse would have been enough, but, who doesn't like a rousing trip to the doctors on your day off? Luckily it was late enough in the morning that I didn't have to sit in traffic.

The bills for the hospital are starting to come in. So far we are up to about $350 in bills for my ER stint, and one or two of the blood draws. Luckily my out of pocket deductible is $500 a year, I think. So looking on the bright side, we are almost there! ;)

The emotional side of things have been very good for me, and physically I feel 100% back to normal. I am able to sort of talk about things if people (ie: family members who knew) ask how I am doing, or why in the world I'm going to get more blood drawn, do I even have any left? A cashier at work asked if I had any "news" for her. She knows we are TTC, and every so often she'll ask how things are going. I was able to say that I was pregnant but lost the baby in September. There weren't any tears or anything. Things are looking up!

The Proof

I've been having a decent week. Some days are better than others. Most days are fine. It's the hormones that really get to me. One of the dogs got into the garbage in our bathroom on Wednesday. When I told TJ about it he made a comment which made me cry. I was mad at him all night. To tell the truth, even I'm not sure why I was so upset with him about it. Poor guy.

<-----This is the picture I took the morning I got the BFP. I've been sort of feeling gloomy about the whole thing every now and then. I look at the picture and think: well, that's the only thing I have left now to show I was pregnant. How lame/sad/depressing. I know. Some days I'll look at it and think good things like: well, at least we were able to get pregnant! I wish I was that positive all the time. I'm working on it.

I went in on the 1st of October for another blood draw. My hCG was down to 181. I'm going in again tonight after work to "give blood", as I like to call it. My first appointment with the doctor is on Monday. I will not cry at the doctors office. I will not cry at the doctors office. I felt pretty bad for crumbling on the phone with the nurse, Pamela, the other week. My hope is that I wont have a repeat with the doctor.

It's sort of strange. Some days it feels like this happened in some sort of distant far away past. I can't believe it has only been 3 weeks. That is all? It feels like forever.

I'm praying a lot lately. I'm praying that my hCG will have gone back to zero. I'm praying that my doctors appointment on Monday goes well. I'm praying we can get the green light and give this baby thing another shot. I'm praying that next time around things will not end badly. I'm just praying.