Baby Steps

I took that photo this morning. I plan on using it my FB account once we go public. That's not for another 7 weeks though, but the plan is in place. ;)

I have been feeling pretty good. I am s.t.a.r.v.i.n.g. all the stinking time, but otherwise good. TJ told me the hunger is all in my head, and I tried to stop eating like a pig but it didn't help. It is not in my head, I am not crazy, I swear. I think the issue is the food I'm eating isn't very filling, I've been trying eat healthy snacks (fruit cups, etc.) and then I'm hungry again. So, I'm going to buy some cheese, and mini bagels, and see if that helps.

Because of the lack of bad I was starting to worry (ugh, yes, I'm one of them!!). I bought another box of HPT's (the one I took last weekend was the last one in our house). When I brought it home TJ looked at me like I was nuts, and then asked if I'd been secretly peeing on one each day. I haven't quite gotten there. . .yet. But, the lack of spotting had me thinking just mayyyyyybe I had my O date off and the positive was a false positive. (Yes, I know, that's not very likely).

So, POAS again this morning and, well, obviously we have the top picture. I told him my goal is to make it until February 12th without spotting, that will be the same point my m/c happened in my first pregnancy. He told me, very sensibly, that I shouldn't worry because I can't control it. Relax. Yeah, right.

I'm doing pretty good taking it a day at a time. I am encouraged more and more each day that passes without spotting. My first appointment is scheduled for February 26th. I will be nearly 8 weeks at that point and crossing everything that they might do an u/s to ease my mind. We shall see, like I said, one day at a time. Baby steps!

4 Weeks

I didn't start the weekly posts before, so keeping with the "think positive" thing I have going I'm starting NOW! I'm happy to report that I had no spotting at all yesterday, and none today. Things look good!!

So, from thebump we have poppyseeds. That is how big my baby is today (my baby, ahhh!!). As of today I am exactly 4 weeks, though a doctor would look at my LMP and say I was a little further along, but I O late. The bump states that:

Now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) is splitting the embryo (your future child) and placenta. Outside the microscopic speck, the amniotic sac and fluid are forming into protective cushioning.

I took a few pictures today and then realized that I took them in a mirror so nobody would be able to read what I wrote on my sign. So I think the pictures look a little funky mostly because I'm backwards in them, but you all probably won't notice.

Dear Universe

What a week. It has been an emotionally exhausting week due to work stress. I assumed that I had started cycle 15 on Thursday due to some red flow that morning. I expected it, I knew that I was going to start that day thanks to the joys of charting. Any time I start a new cycle I am a pill for no other reason than it bums me out to be starting another cycle. So, I made homemade lasagna for dinner Thursday night and TJ and I shared a bottle of wine.

Friday was a very emotional day at work. I had my annual review with my boss, and it was tough to hear the true things about myself (the bad true things, the awesome true things rocked!). Overall it was a very good review, but the bad parts were very honest and I was disappointed in myself for falling short. I also had an emotionally charged coaching session with one of my staff members. It was a very productive but draining day to say the least, I set out to drink myself silly when I got home and nearly polished off a bottle of wine on my own.

I was feeling great (read: drunk as a skunk), so TJ and I got a little, ahem, frisky. I had noticed that since Thursday I hadn’t started a real period, there was some spotting here and there, but nothing major. After TJ and I were finished I figured that it would trigger the flood gates and I’d really start. Nope. So, I shrugged it off and went to bed. Woke up this morning and Aunt Flo is still hiding. I told TJ after I had used the bathroom that I might need to pee on a stick tomorrow morning. I just got home from work (did you really think I could wait until tomorrow??), peed on a stick (a digital) and what should appear??? Yep, you guessed it, "Pregnant." Again. So: Dear Universe, if you are effing with my head I will kick your ass!!

I feel like a broken record on here now, Fertility Friend has my new due date as 10/3 and puts me at 3w6d by O date, or 4w2d by LMP. So, third time is a charm? I sure as hell hope so!

What's Up Doc?

Yesterday was my doctor’s appointment. I’m a little bummed to say that I didn’t get any answers, but I at least have a outline of the direction we are heading within the next few months.

I’ve been seeing the ARNP at my doctors office for the past 6 years and with my first MC I saw my old OB/GYN’s partner. So when my doctor came in the room she went over my history, and then asked what I was in to see her for. She could see from my charts that I had a MC back in September and chemical pregnancy in December (I’m not convinced it was a CP due to the massive cramping/bleeding I had afterwards, but whatever). I explained to her that TJ and I had been trying since November, 2008 and I was to the point where I’m starting to want some answers.

She was very kind and didn’t give me false hope, or answers in which she didn’t really know the answer. She said that she doesn’t deal with fertility that much, and if I wanted to get a better idea of what could be wrong (or right – glass half full here!) then I should see a fertility doctor. That made my heart sink, I went in thinking that she could do some sort of testing and that I could avoid going to an RE. I’m not to the point where I think we need an RE yet.

She looked over my charts a bit and said that it is a little worrisome that I ovulate late and have a short LP, plus the spotting prior to starting my period. She explained that she could put me on Progesterone or Clomid if I wanted her to, but I don’t just want to take drugs and hope that it’s the hail Mary which will win the game. I want to get tests done to make sure I’m not screwing myself up more by taking unnecessary medication. She said there are test that could be run, but there isn’t much she could do with them and they would probably have to be run by an RE again if we did end up having problems.

I was glad that she felt like we still have a good chance of this on our own. She said that a couple is considered infertile after a year of trying without success (which I already knew). She also said that since I was able to get pregnant within that year window we wouldn’t be considered infertile, which I was hoping. She stated that they don’t typically test for recurrent miscarriages until 3. . .so, one more try.

My doctor gave me a few recommendations, she said that we could pursue an RE right away, we can keep trying on our own and see an RE in a few months, or we can keep trying and if my next pregnancy ends up in another MC we should see an RE right away.

When TJ got home from work we talked about where we should go. I would, of course, like to get this thing rolling, but TJ is more hesitant to get poked and prodded. He’s also worried about the costs, since my insurance has zero coverage we’d have to pay for the fertility testing. He’s slow at work right now and he’d like not to have to dip into savings to pay for testing, and if needed, procedures.

So, what’s next? We are waiting until March/April. If I’m unable to get pregnant before then we’ll call the RE. If I get pregnant but have another MC before then we’ll call the RE right away instead of waiting. If I get knocked up, hallelujah!! Pray, please. :)