The Proof

I've been having a decent week. Some days are better than others. Most days are fine. It's the hormones that really get to me. One of the dogs got into the garbage in our bathroom on Wednesday. When I told TJ about it he made a comment which made me cry. I was mad at him all night. To tell the truth, even I'm not sure why I was so upset with him about it. Poor guy.

<-----This is the picture I took the morning I got the BFP. I've been sort of feeling gloomy about the whole thing every now and then. I look at the picture and think: well, that's the only thing I have left now to show I was pregnant. How lame/sad/depressing. I know. Some days I'll look at it and think good things like: well, at least we were able to get pregnant! I wish I was that positive all the time. I'm working on it.

I went in on the 1st of October for another blood draw. My hCG was down to 181. I'm going in again tonight after work to "give blood", as I like to call it. My first appointment with the doctor is on Monday. I will not cry at the doctors office. I will not cry at the doctors office. I felt pretty bad for crumbling on the phone with the nurse, Pamela, the other week. My hope is that I wont have a repeat with the doctor.

It's sort of strange. Some days it feels like this happened in some sort of distant far away past. I can't believe it has only been 3 weeks. That is all? It feels like forever.

I'm praying a lot lately. I'm praying that my hCG will have gone back to zero. I'm praying that my doctors appointment on Monday goes well. I'm praying we can get the green light and give this baby thing another shot. I'm praying that next time around things will not end badly. I'm just praying.